Private spreadsheets. Fixes nobody else knows about. Executives re-checking everything. Somebody’s spreadsheet is lying to your board. I find out whose, fix the habits that let it happen, and leave. One to two weeks, fixed fee.
Unfuck your data before AI repeats it to the whole company.
Buying another tool won’t fix it. When people stop trusting the numbers, they work around them, and your data team burns its week defending last week’s work. It’s the same three gaps almost every time. Banks closed them years ago because regulators made them. Nobody forced you to, so you didn’t.
Everyone swears their business and data teams talk to each other. Answer these honestly. Check the ones that are true where you work.
Naming conventions were “too boring to follow,” so now every department has its own formula for “revenue.”
Same lesson both times. The technology was fine. Smart people were working around a process nobody bothered to design.
Fixed fee, fixed end date, nothing to upsell. One to two weeks. Your people probably
* aren’t the problem; nobody ever showed them what good looks like. You don’t need to fire anyone. You need to fix the process.
Twenty-five years, and I’ve given all the fucks I’m ever going to give. So now I just tell you what I see.
If you were actually fine, you wouldn’t have called me. If it’s the technology, I’ll find it. If it’s your people or your process, I’ll find that too, and I won’t pull the punches.
And if I go through everything and there really are no problems anywhere, that means you’re the problem. I’ll coach you.
I don’t have an ulterior motive. I’m not here to invent something that’s wrong so I can sell you a four-million-dollar solution. I’m not selling software, and I’m not selling a process. The fee is fixed, and I leave when I’m done.
I’m here to figure out what the fuck is going on and teach your people to keep it from happening again.
If they could and haven’t, you haven’t given them the time, budget, or cover. If they have all that and still haven’t, they’re probably afraid to tell you the truth. If they can’t, nobody showed them what good looks like. Every one of those is a leadership problem.
So the question isn’t whether your team gets there eventually. It’s how long you’re willing to run the company on numbers you don’t trust.
Tell me what’s broken.
Give me one specific time a number burned you. A sentence or two is plenty. I read every message myself.